It’s 5 a.m. on a Sunday morning. The city is still half-asleep (except the chirping birds) and so am I. After two long nights of wrestling with cramps and my own stubborn body, I finally woke up with a little less pain, a little more peace. For a microsecond, I felt like I’ve crossed the finish line — done passing through that monthly storm that slows me down and humbles me every time.
And with that small relief came an unexpected excitement: Now I can do a zillion things again. You know, all those things that don’t even need doing but somehow the world around me convinces me that I should. The pending emails, the skipped workouts, the never-ending lists, the invisible race everyone’s running without knowing where it leads.
I did jump out of bed like I was ready to catch up with the rest of the world but my body, wise and weary, whispered otherwise. “Wait,” it said. “A few more hours. Just a few more hours before you rush back to join the race again.”
So I listened.
I went back to bed, disappointed but obedient. I took another nap. And when I finally woke up, the morning felt like it was giving me a second chance: to just be.
Still, my mind wanted to fill the day with plans: Should I exercise in the morning? Or evening? What should I do today? Should I plan my next vacation? But shouldn’t I set my goals first before rewarding myself with next vacation?
While I was looking for all these answers, I spotted this dusty green book called, Take Your Time by Eknath Easwaran. I opened a random chapter and there it was. Patience.
Why does nobody talk about patience anymore? We glorify speed, success, and productivity, but patience, this quiet, beautiful, unsung virtue, rarely gets its spotlight. We are so obsessed with doing and becoming that we forget how to be (I am the first one who needs to practise this!!!). We live like boomerangs; swinging between the past and the future and never quite landing in the stillness of the present.
That chapter shifted something in me. Actually a lot.
Maybe what I need isn’t another to-do list, but a to-become list.
Because a to-do list gives me quick satisfaction; I can tick off boxes, feel accomplished, and repeat it every day for a hundred days or even a thousand. But a to-become list? That’s a different kind of patience. That’s a lifelong commitment.
To become someone.
To become grounded.
To become soft but strong.
To become unshakably at peace with who I am.
These aren’t the goals I can achieve in a week. They’re the seeds I can plant in silence and wait years to see where it leads me. That kind of patience — da-da-da — that’s the real work.
And so, here I am now, writing this on a lazy Sunday afternoon. The sun is hiding somewhere behind the clouds, the air is still, a happy butterfly keeps coming near my window to greet me and I’ve finally decided to skip the gym (for the third time today, after being told by three people already!!!). I might light a candle. Stretch a little. And maybe just be.
Because maybe the real question isn’t what should I do today?
Maybe it’s who am I becoming while I wait?
And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough for today.
:))