There are things I used to carry like shadows; quiet, heavy, and invisible to everyone but me. They lived in the corners of my chest, tugging at me in the middle of silent nights and loud days. But I am learning. I am unlearning. I am softening. And most of all, I am forgiving.
Here’s a list I didn’t know I was writing all along —
a list of things I have finally forgiven myself for.
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For trusting too much, even when I knew better.
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For self-victimizing, because sometimes, it really did feel like the world was against me.
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For hiding who I really am; my roots, my story, my voice.
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For people-pleasing until I was emptied out.
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For feeling guilty when I chose myself first.
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For blaming myself for other people’s chaos.
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For putting others first when I desperately needed saving.
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For holding blame like it was mine to hold.
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For trying to control things that were never mine to fix.
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For carrying burdens that didn’t belong to me.
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For thinking I was never enough.
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For calling myself weak when I was just tired.
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For all the days I couldn’t find the courage to speak up.
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For crying too much over things I couldn’t change.
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For everything the Universe placed on my path; before I understood why.
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For every regret, every what if, every heavy if only I clung to for years.
I’m not writing this as someone who has figured it all out.
I’m writing this as someone who is finally breathing a little lighter.
Someone who may cry again, but now knows how to return to peace.
Someone who knows that starting from zero doesn’t make me weak; it makes me brave.
And if I forget, I hope the next time I fall apart, I also remember this: I made it here. I made it through. I made it back to myself.
Thank you, God for walking with me even when I forgot You were there. Thank you for the quiet answers. For the whispered courage. For the grace that waited for me to stop running.
I’m not perfect. I never will be.
But I’m finally… free.
Your words really resonate with me. I feel like I’m on a similar journey of forgiving myself and finding peace. Thank you for sharing your story—it’s so inspiring!